JAILBIRDS

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PAUL KOHAN aka Smooth Criminal

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Talk about crimes against fashion. While at a recent outing at one of LA’s hottest venues, Paul, in an act of brazen disregard for fashion etiquette, thumbed his nose at the world by wearing white after Labor Day! Witnesses say that earlier he could be seen at dinner eating red wine with fish!

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VAL & TONY aka Bonnie & Clyde

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Val & Tony are a happy couple. They love to be happy and get happy. On a warm summer’s day in an effort to fulfill their desire to get to another level of happiness, they let their inhibitions run wild and unfortunately were arrested for what only can be described here on this family website as “unspeakable” acts.

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DESIREE MARTIN aka The Other Kardashian

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The evidence was clear. Hundreds of pouty lips selfies, flawless makeup, a collection of Kanye West records, and an addiction to Instagram, all point to the fact that Ms. Martin is attempting to impersonate, dare we say “steal” the identity of a famous “non” celebrity.

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DAVID STREIT aka Lou Pole

BAILED OUT!

 

 

David Streit, earned his reputation on the actual “street” as ‘Lou Pole’ by finding every loophole in every contract in every business deal he ever encountered. Luckily for us, his exorbitant cell phone use and disregard for rules of the road, we nabbed him at an intersection driving and texting.

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EYMI ROA aka The Selfie Queen

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Eymi was driving her vehicle, after dark, in the rain, with 5 toddlers, a dog and a kitten all in her car. And what was she caught doing while driving? She was caught taking selfies with her cell phone.

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RAY CHARLES ROBINSON JR. aka The Loafer

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His comfortable loafer shoes became his obsession. He wore them to work, to the gym, and even wears them in the shower. When will this madness stop??? Well, it stops now.

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MIKE CHEN aka Sosumi Areti

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Mr. Chen was was getting paid a lot of money to pretend he was a genius with other people’s money. He was anything but. The suspect was nabbed after a series of tax errors such as to file electronically he sent the IRS his computer. When arrested he said, “Numbers is hard.”

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LORRAINE GARCIA aka Ann T. Biotic

BAILED OUT!

Lorraine is always looking for ways to make PAL the best it can be. Unfortunately her plan to create a secret potion out of magic herbs and 7-Up, that would give kids instant self-esteem, backfired. It just made them gassy. Her bail is set for $1,000.00

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DAMIEN JOHNSON aka The Slum Lord

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This mild-mannered looking property manager is actually part of a team of landlords in the city who’s only aim is to control as much real-estate as possible and bamboozling tenants into lining their greedy pockets. Damien Johnson once evicted his own grandmother after raising her rent.

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DOW-KANG KOU aka The Other Slum Lord

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Dow is the other half of the dastardly crime duo, “The Slum Lords”. Dow and his partner in crime, Damien Johnson have made millions off of unsuspecting old ladies in the city. This dastardly duo have sneaky methods of perpetuating fraud and deceit like suspicious rental agreements that list “bathrooms” in quotations.

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GEORGE MAGALLANES aka El Musico

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Although once a staple in the local music scene, El Musico became intrenched in local politics and in an effort to get things done quickly began “pulling strings” (as we say in law enforcement).  We caution the public that he is quite dangerous with that violin of his. Things just haven’t been the same for El Musico since Vanilli left the band.

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